Permission to Trust Yourself
- Lizz & Esther / Deconstructing Mamas
- 12 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Welcome to Grace and Space, a weekly newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas Podcast! GRACE for who you have been, are now and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be!
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There’s this wild and beautiful thing that happens when you start acknowledging yourself—your actual self, not the one you were taught you were supposed to be.
At first, it can feel small. A twinge. A whisper. A sense of, Wait a second... that doesn’t feel true for me.
But over time, it grows.
And as it grows, something else begins to loosen its grip: the voices that used to define you.
The ones that told you who you had to be. The ones that labeled "good" and "bad" in black and white terms. The ones that taught you that obedience was the same thing as love.
For many of us raised in high-control religious environments, especially those of us now raising kids of our own, the message was clear: your heart can't be trusted. Your mind can't be trusted. Your self can't be trusted.
So we learned to look outward instead of inward.
We learned to second-guess our instincts.
We learned to listen to authority, even when that authority wounded us.
And maybe worst of all, we learned to ignore the still, sacred voice inside us—the one that was there all along.
But here's the thing:
Once you start acknowledging your self—your desires, your needs, your questions, your knowing—it becomes easier to stop acknowledging the voices that kept you small.
It becomes easier to say, Maybe they were wrong about me. It becomes easier to say, Maybe I am not broken. Maybe I was never broken.
And when we do that healing work within ourselves, we offer our kids something that we never had:
The permission to trust their own voices, too.
We model for them that their worth isn't conditional.
That they don’t have to fit inside rigid boxes.
That love and belonging are their birthright—not something they have to earn by being "good enough."
Maybe that’s the real sacred work we’re doing here.
Not just pulling ourselves out of old systems.
But raising a generation that never has to lose themselves inside them in the first place.
Keep listening.
Keep trusting.
Keep acknowledging the brave, beautiful soul that’s been there all along.
It’s more than enough.
--Esther Joy Goetz
Our Podcast This Week:
'''Our job as parents is not to make other people comfortable with how we raise our kids, Our job is to make sure our kids grow up in a family where they’re comfortable being exactly who they are.'' Shelly Robinson
Our episode this week is with Rachel Pinto-Martin, founder of Self Love, Healthy Boundaries Coaching, mom of two, former Mormon and fierce Queer ally and advocate. On this episode, we talk with Rachel about what it means to have self-love along with healthy boundaries and help our kids to do the same. We also dive deep into advocacy on this front for the Queer community. We chat through these questions: 1. Many of us have grown up in high control religious environments that doesn’t allow for a lot of individuality. How can we begin to foster a sense of being worthy of love when our faith or upbringing told us otherwise? 2. What does it look like to deconstruct faith in a way that allows space for self-love and acceptance, especially for those in the LGBTQ+ community?
3. What are some practical ways parents can create an environment where their children feel safe in their own identity and accepted for who they are, especially if the parents are still deconstructing their own beliefs around sexuality and gender identity.
4. How can parents help their children navigate the complexities of faith and identity, especially if they are trying to reconcile their own religious background
5. What advice do you have for parents who are struggling to reconcile their faith with supporting their queer child?
6. How might we respond to members of the faith community or our family who may hold traditional or conservative views about LGBTQ+ issues?
7. For families who feel isolated in their religious communities because of their child’s identity, what would you say to them?
We found Rachel passionate and our conversation was spicy in all the best ways. We were fired up about the harm done to the Queer community by high-control religion and spoke about the best ways we can continue to change the narrative surrounding full affirmation and inclusion. You can find Rachel here:
Website: selflovehealthyboundaries.com
Instagram: @selflovehealthyboundaries and @thankyouforranting
Resource Alerts:
LIFE COACHING SERVICES FROM RACHEL
My mission as a Life Coach is to empower and inspire my clients to live a life that is authentic, fulfilling, and aligned with their values. I believe that everyone has the potential to create positive change in their lives, and I am here to support you on your journey towards personal growth and transformation.
My approach to coaching is rooted in positive affirmation, mindfulness, and providing tools for healthy boundaries. I work collaboratively with my clients to help them identify their strengths, overcome limiting beliefs, and develop practical strategies for achieving their goals. I believe that coaching is a process of self-discovery, and I am committed to providing a supportive and non-judgmental space for my clients to explore their inner world.
I offer one-on-one coaching sessions to clients over the age of 18. My areas of expertise include LGBTQIA+ support; personal development and boundaries; and faith/spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction. Contact me today to learn more about how I can help you achieve your goals!
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.
Love,
Lizz & Esther
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