Powerful Parenting

Welcome to Grace and Space, a weekly newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas Podcast! GRACE for who you have been, are now and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be!

I was brought up to believe to think needs were a weakness, even a sin.

That wanting something—attention, rest, reassurance, space—was selfish at best and sinful at worst. That my job was to squash my needs in favor of someone else’s. That strength looked like self-denial. That the best parents, partners, Christians, people—were the ones who needed the least.

But something our upcoming podcast guest, Wendy Snyder, said in our interview hit me in fresh new ways that confirmed to me the ways I've been leaning as of late. Wendy spoke about the four core needs we all share—especially children, but also us, the grown ones who were never taught how to name or tend to them:

The need to belong
The need to feel powerful
The need to feel valuable
The need to be unconditionally loved

I spent so long believing needs were the enemy. That having them meant I was “in the flesh,” that I wasn’t spiritual enough, that I needed to pray harder or give more or simply suck it up.

But what if that framework was wrong?

What if needs aren’t sin?

What if needs are sacred signals?

What if our “bad behavior” is often a body-level cry for connection?

What if that’s what our kids are doing, too?

The temper tantrum from your preschooler in the middle of the grocery store? Maybe it's a cry for rest or hunger and they are not sure if anyone gets that right now. That eye-roll from your 12 year old? Maybe it’s a need to feel powerful in a world where so much is out of their control. That silence from your college-aged kid? Maybe it’s a need to belong, to be invited again without shame. That outburst from you in the middle of the Target parking lot? Maybe it’s your own need to be loved without conditions. To be held without having to prove your worth.

What if we could ask ourselves:

What am I needing right now?
Where does it hurt?
What part of me is asking to be seen?

And then—what if we could ask that same thing of our children, even (especially) when they’re hard to love?

What if every moment of disconnection was actually an invitation to look a little deeper?

I know we don’t always have the time or bandwidth to tend to our every unmet need, or our children’s. But even the awareness—this is a need—has softened me. It’s shifted my lens.

So when I catch myself yelling a little louder, I try—gently, curiously—to ask: What is this version of me trying to say?

And more importantly: Can I listen? --Esther Joy Goetz

Our Podcast This Week:

"Where did we ever get the notion that in order for children to behave better, they first have to feel worse?"

Our episode this week is with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family, mom of two teens, podcaster and certified positive (or as she likes to call it), powerful parenting coach. On this episode, we talk with Wendy about what it means to be an empowered parent and how can we parent out of compassionate connection and NOT fear and force. We chat through these questions: 1. What is your overall philosophy on parenting? Are there any core principles you always encourage parents to follow?

2. How has your faith journey shaped the way that you encourage parents in their parenting journeys? Are their old beliefs around parenting that you have let go of or that have evolved?

3. What is one of the things that parents come to you the most about?

4. What are the most common challenges parents come to you with? How do you help parents balance discipline with love and understanding?

5. What are some effective techniques for managing challenging behaviors? How can parents address negative behaviors while maintaining a positive relationship with their child?

We found Wendy full of surprises, wisdom, vulnerability and real passion as she shares her own journey to leaving behind parenting with fear and force and leaning into empowered, compassionate connection. She is a fierce advocate for doing parenting in a way that heals our own souls while meeting the needs of our kids. It's a must-listen if you want practical help, hope and humor in them middle of the mayhem of parenting. THIS IS A GOOD ONE!! You can find Wendy here:

Website: freshstartfamilyonline.com

Instagram: @freshstartwendy Facebook: Fresh Start Family

Resource Alerts:

WENDY HAS SO MUCH FOR YOU AS A PARENT!! CHECK OUT HER WEBSITE HERE: freshstartfamilyonline.com AND here is one thing that's FREE that can get you started on your journey to changing your family legacy from fear and force to compassionate connection.

One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.

Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all.

Love,

Lizz & Esther

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