Welcome to Grace and Space, a weekly newsletter from the Deconstructing Mamas Podcast! GRACE for who you have been, are now and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be!
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As parents in the process of deconstructing from high-control religious frameworks, we are often faced with an internal tug-of-war between old beliefs and new understandings.
The shift from a mindset rooted in "original sin" to one that embraces "original goodness" is one of the most profound changes we can make, both for ourselves and for our children.
I remember when my child (a teen at the time) first came to me with a decision I didn’t understand. They were considering something outside of what I’d always believed was "the right path." I could feel the instinct to intervene, to correct, to bring them back to the "safe" zone. But then, something shifted inside me—a whisper that said, What if I trust them? What if they are capable of making this decision, even if I don’t see it clearly yet?
That moment was a turning point for me. Growing up in a belief system that stressed the concept of original sin, I had always been taught that children, by their very nature, needed to be controlled, shaped, and disciplined. It wasn’t about guiding them to their best selves—it was about preventing them from going astray. But in that moment, I realized that shifting to a mindset of original goodness meant releasing the need for control. It meant trusting my child to navigate their own journey, even if it looked different from what I had imagined.
This is the heart of moving away from an "original sin" mindset. Instead of seeing our children as inherently flawed, we can see them as inherently good—capable of making wise decisions, learning from their mistakes, and growing into their fullest selves. This doesn’t mean abandoning guidance or support; it means moving away from fear-based parenting and embracing trust-based parenting.
One of the most practical ways to begin this shift is through small affirmations. Each day, remind yourself: My child is inherently good. They are capable of making wise choices, and I am here to support them in their growth. This practice can be transformative, especially when the temptation to control or over-correct arises.
Another practical step is to engage in open, non-judgmental conversations with your kids. Let them know that you trust their judgment, even when they make mistakes. Encourage them to explore their thoughts and feelings without fear of condemnation. When we move away from a lens of sin, we can replace shame with curiosity, creating a safe space for our children to learn and grow without the constant fear of failure.
For me, that day with my child became a reminder that trusting them to grow from their own experiences, rather than from my fear-based corrections, was one of the greatest gifts I could offer.
It wasn’t just a shift in how I saw my kids—it was a shift in how I saw myself as a parent.
Finally, remember that trusting our kids isn’t just about them—it’s about us, too. As we continue deconstructing old ways of thinking, we’re also creating room for deeper connection. The more we believe in their goodness, the more we can trust them—and trust ourselves as parents in this shared journey of healing and growth.
(Written by Esther)
Latest News:
We wanted to let you know that we have come to a very-hard decision NOT to provide extra content for those of you who support us.
We have lots going on in our lives (Lizz has two young kids and Esther just finished her Spiritual Direction training and has four kids all over the country) and no matter how hard we've tried to do it, we just can't seem to make it work within our bandwidth.
For those of you who support us, we are so grateful! You are the reason we can keep the podcast going! We don't take any of it lightly and know your money is valuable and will do our best to steward it well.
We get it if you need to drop support from us, but we would gently ask you to consider sticking with us!
Resource Alerts:
If you haven't been to our website page with tons of resources for you, check them all out HERE!
THREE SPECIFIC BOOKS WE RECOMMEND BASED ON OUR TOPIC TODAY
One last thing. We want to remind you that we are so glad you are here. We wouldn't be the same without you. You will always find GRACE for where you've been and who you are now, and SPACE for who you are becoming and will be.
Carry on, our new-found friends. Welcome to the twisty-windy, full -of-adventure faith path that's laid out before us all. Love,
Lizz & Esther
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